When should I sleep with him?

I currently I have a dilemma about when is it  okay to sleep with a guy.  I have always liked to wait a bit before giving up the cookies. I read an article in a magazine once that said, a girl should wait at least  30 days before having sex with a guy. The first thing is that a GOOD mind blowing F**k can have you thinking that you are in love. Yes, because you want more and more.  And then is the remorse the next day, the guilt trip that follows you around because you really liked the guy but he is  not calling you back. Girls, love creating imaginary love stories, I been there.  Just because a guy is charming and apparently everything you want, does not make him THE ONE.

My best friend Jessica always told me that it does not matter when you sleep with a guy, if he wants to be around he will be around. I have got a lot of feedback from my male friends and most of them don't care if the girl sleeps with them on the same night. But then again I have others that say that she is automatically a slut and deserves no respect.

Here is what I think.  Sex is an extremely important part of a relationship. It is the closes and the most intimate connection between two people.  Sex is great and should be enjoyed to maximum. But then you get stuck with the bad sex. Oh lord, help me.  So I met this guy super nice and I really liked him.  All American White boy, smart, cute, sweet and very ambitious.  Oh the sexual tension was huge and uncomfortable. So I gave it up, what a disappointment. His penis was long and skinny, I called it the pencil.  I was traumatized after that day. I didn't feel any pleasure, it anything it was painful because it was long. I felt like my vagina was being poked and punched.  Oh but I took it like a warrior, and didn't complain.  He obviously liked it because he kept calling me and wanted to see me.  I had no intentions of ever seeing him again but I gave it another try. I realized that if I took control of the situation it was not as bad, I just had  to work it. I honestly think I could had saved me such a bad experience if I had slept with him right there and there. Since, I already liked the guy it was hard to turned him away.

I have always wanted to walk in a bar have a couple of drinks and take a guy home. I am not that bold.  Every time I have it in my head,  I chicken out.  Also, I have stopped a few guys just right before. I am like top-less saying no I can't.  I usually tell them I am "spotting" or I will push back my wax day just before my date so I can say no.  I once turned down this Indian guy I really liked. Damn! I told him no just right before and I regret it because I have always wonder if he was good in bed or not.

Then again I stand before my values everything my mom and dad raised me to believe and sleeping around is not one of them.  My longest relationship was 2 years on and off and I never had sex with him. I had sex  before but I was not sexually attracted to him. We were more like friends. I think about it and it is crazy.  I was in a relationship just to not be alone and I was not happy.

I used to work with a guy who slept with his wife on the fist night they are happily married for over 5 years now. But that is the exception to the rule.  If you have ever read my blogs before you know about Bob I made him wait a bit before giving up and that didn't make me a better girl in his eyes.  I think that you should do whatever you feel is right at that moment. If you are fuc**g  the same night. I hope he took you on the best date ever. Roses, chocolate, open the door great dinner or amazing random thing. Like going above and beyond for you. No dull moments during this date and you guys are like lost soul-mates.   Not like taking you to coffee and 10 minutes later you are all over him. My mom raised me to believed that you only regret the things that you don't do because you, learn from your mistakes.  I hate the feeling of what would had happen.  I will reserved my goodies to whoever I want but you best believe that if we are sleeping on the first date, he has "wow" me with the best date ever.

Moral of the story is we are all adults, you are old enough to make your decisions.  No one has the right to judge you. Only god


XOXO

ANDIE

Plain Jane.... Plain Andie

Who is plain Jane? And what is plain Jane. Plain Jane is the term to describe a woman who is simple, somewhat insignificant, her persona does not say much and she blends well amongst people. Blends so well that you can't really tell she is there. I am more like plain Andie. No, I do not have low self-esteem, nor I am putting myself down.

I call myself plain Andie, because there is not much especial about me. I don't have hypnotizing eyes, breath taking smile nor charming personality. I am average looking, unfortunately my most attractive body feature is behind me. My eyes are small and don't say much, I have perfect teeth according to the dentist but I don' t smile much. After having a conversation with me no one is going to be fascinated because my accent is so strong that is disturbing. I tend to be loud when speaking so, I am annoying at times. I do have an indoor voice but after I get comfortable I forget. When a man first looks at me it's like ok
She is.... Oh yea a girl! Nothing else. I am not exotic, I am short, I am thick (not fat). My personality is very strong, I am determine and very independent. I am a food nerd and food is what I cared about the most, so if a guy does not speak food we have a small problem.

Going back to my strong English accent. Not only do I speak horrible English, my grammar sucks balls! I have lived my whole life in the United States, I also have dyslexia. The only proof reading that I do is spell check. I am not an idiot. I read the New York Times every day(almost) just to know what happens in the world. Watching the news makes me depressed. I know a lot about history, culture and religion. I also have an intense knowledge of wine and liquor. Because I enjoy reading about it, but I am still plain Andie. None of these things makes me different then the rest of the women in the world. Oh and I often play dumb just to hear people speak of subjects I know a lot about or just because I don't feel like sharing my knowledge with that person. For some strange reason I enjoy when people think that I am not so smart, then in the moment when they less expect it I outsmart them. ( :-P)

Question?

What makes you so unique and different? Me? Blah! Of course, we all are different and unique in our own way. Every person has their own world, even knowing that we all live on planet earth.

I am going to take this back to relationships. I am the queen of singles, I rather be alone than in bad company. As I have said before I don't need someone to complete me because I complete myself. I just need someone to accompany me.

How does plain Jane find her dream guy? 9 out of 10 she wont. She will just settle for the best match. So here is my scenario. I work at x restaurant and one of the owners is like heaven sent, the man is beautiful, ( you can't base it on looks but he is hot) smart, successful, a vibrant voice and a look that makes you want to run to him and do dirty things. He is all that and I am on the other side melting inside each time I see him. I been working there for a bit over a year and this man has NEVER asked or has heard my name. And he has no need nor intention on finding out. He has said hi to me about 3 or 4 times and that's that. Why? Because I don't call his attention at all. I am simple, plain and boring looking. I am not saying to speak to me to flirt or because I awake any curiosity in him. Is just that I am not appealing. Do I make myself clear? Is like being in class for a full semester sitting two rows down to this really some interesting looking guy, he does not have to be hot for you to like him, he can just be charming. And maybe a year down the road you meet him again at your current work place a he tells you he does not remember meeting you ever! Ouch! That hurts but is just that he never care to notice you because there was nothing intriguing about you.

So here are the 3 types of men Plain Jane's end up with.

1. The looser: the man who a woman must be a babysitter to. By babysitter I mean you will be the one asking him did you eat? Did you shower? Did you pay the parking ticket? Did you walk the dod? Did you brush your teeth? Etc... Not only must you aak him to accomplish task, you must accomplish some for him. You must be after him for every move. He is constantly broke, expecting for you to resolve all his problems. Wants to be cool in front of the bro's, wear name brand clothing, drive your car like is his and expend your money. At times he can even verbally abuse you to make you feel less and that he is better than you. Why take all this? Because, you don't think that you deserve better.

2. The playboy: the charming guy who dates 10 women at a time. Tells you all that you want to hear. All the pretty, must amazing things. You walk on cloud nine. He is with you but also cheats. You allow because he always says sorry, he is the perfect man to walk around with. Good looking, smart and hot. But no good!

3. The nerd: out of all the 3 the best option lol. Plain Jane will end up married to a nerd who makes over $100,000 a yr. Will give you the nice house, car and yearly family vacations. And I think is safe to say that 8 out of 10 will end up with this nerd because is the best option. I know a few girls who end it up with "the nerd" not because of love but because it was the best man to be with. I don't agree with that, but to each is own.


I will continue to be plain Andie and in the search of real love. Even if is the nerd, love is a two way street. Only love if you are loved. To love alone is to dwell on loneliness. Muah!


Xoxo,

Plain Andie(lol)

What are you grateful for?

In life some times we can experience adversities that might lead us to great disappointment. But my question is do we let it take over our life's? In life you must be able to heal. To me we must embrace the good and the not so good. Do not waste time and energy dwelling on the bad and in what could have been. There is no need to sadden the past. Dwell in the possibility of a new tomorrow. The death of a fallen one is sad and heart breaking especially if is not expected. But don't spend your life depressed missing that person, thinking about the things that you could had said, done together. Remember only the good and be grateful that you had that person in your life.

In life we have to give thanks for the water that you drink, the food that you eat, the bed that you sleep in and for waking up to another day. Remember that not everyone can be have it. When you think you have it bad there are other people that have it worst than you. Give thanks for the little and not so little in your life. Do not hold on to the material things in life. Yes it is of great satisfaction know that you were able to buy those red bottom shoes or that computer that took a whole year of savings but if it breaks, do not hold on to it.

I am grateful for god allowing me to wake up to a raining morning at 5am, to being in in class at 8am, having to be at work at 10am. Working for 8-9 hrs, then going home to clean and cook, working on a project for my class, talk to my mother on the phone, and everything else that my day might bring. I promise you that today someone will bring the worst of me at work and when I get home my messy roommate will have the kitchen that I just cleaned before I left the house dirty. And yes, I will be irritated but I will brushed off, to the best of my abilities. I always try to keep my energies positive, that way I can attract more positive vibes to my life. We are all grateful for different things in life, but we must be in constant reminder of what it is. And remember that we receive what we give in life. Our lives are a product of what we produced. #justsaythanks

What a girl wants? What a girl needs?

I strongly dislike when I get approached by a guy who says " Yo! Ma', Wass up?  Urg! Yo! watcha name is? What kind of pick up line is that? And what language is that?

Do not call me Ma', Mami, Mama, Mamasita. I am not your mother. I find it rude and not appealing at all.  We don't know each other yet, therefore approach me like a "MAN" and ask me for my name.  Have you ever listen to that Luther Vandross song "Take you out"? That's the way you come up to a woman.  Worst is the woman who replies to this.  I  have a very strong accent but I can speak English. To me the whole slang and Ebonics are such a turn off.   I can't have a conversation with a man like that.  It is very annoying.  Also, please do not call me a female.  I personally find it disrespectful, and very unattractive. I feel that is like saying "hey human". Don't call me by my gender.

I get extremely intrigued by a well spoken man.  A man who can carry a smart conversation and can admit to unknown subjects.  It is so pathetic when a man or a woman have not idea of a topic and pretend they know and then make a fool of themselves.  Just because a man attended college it does not mean he is smart. I  am sorry, but a college degree does not guaranteed any intelligence. So don't be fooled! I have met many non-college graduates who are very smart. So smart that they have created emporiums out of just willingness to succeed in life. A great example is Bill Gates, but I don't know him.  Not too long ago I found myself on a date with a very smart business man. This individual never attended college, and yet manage to build a extremely successful company.  Thanks to the success of his company he has been able to travel the world as he likes.   Coming a crossed so many cultures, has really made him extremely interesting. To me all that knowledge just makes him sexier.

If someone says looks don't matter they are lying.  Appearance can possibility not be a priority but it matters.   When I say looks I don't mean 6'00 foot tall, blue/green eyes, perfect lips, irresistible abs. Girls, forget the Swag date a boy that is smart. A man who is not dressed with pants dragging almost to the floor, a t-shirt that is 3 sizes too large. Smiling with nasty gold teeth, yuck!  And the most annoying part wearing sunglasses at night time.  I wish I knew who came up with the brilliant idea of wearing sunglasses in door, I would shoot them.   For those men who believe that dressing and imitating the guys on rap videos; please stay away from me.  I think you all are morons.  Also, please dressed appropriate for the occasion. There is a time and place for everything. If you are going to brunch, don't dress as if you are going to a business meeting.  Every place has a dressed code, even if is not implemented.  If you are going to a nice restaurant, dressed to impress. During the day to breakfast nice polo and fit jeans will do great. It also goes for girls.

 I work at a hotel and a lot of the managers and executive wear business suits. But two always seem to get my attention. Very nice, clean, pressed suits. Not cheap looking just great looking.  Whenever they walk by, I feel as if I need to give them a compliment.  A man who is well dressed, smells good, good breath, hair is not messy, can very easily get my attention without speaking. 

Besides a well dressed  and  knowledgeable man, you need a man with values. To me life values are a deal breaker.  Family, friends, faith and life values.  I love my family, they are a very important part of my life, if not the most. Therefore, I want a man who has family values. Not a momma's boy but a man who likes to spend quality time with the family. Also if we are serious, a man who wants to be in a family of his own.  I adore my friends most of them have been in my life since I was in dippers. They are good and they are my shoulder to lean on. Ladies, a man needs friends too and if he does not have friends there is something wrong. I should be able to have girls night and he should also have poker with the buddies. Or what not. I am a woman of god, therefore I need a  man of god, enough said. A man without goals or ambitions is a dead man.  I personally refuse to be next to a guy who settles for less. I want a man with a positive attitude,  hungry for success and sets realistic life goals for himself. Is not all about driving the dream car and living in a mansion and being broke. Is about driving a good car, living in a good neighborhood and balancing the check book well and taking a good vacation. Have I made my point yet? Hope so.   

Girls you always need to know what you don't want, to understand what you want. How you want it and how you like it.  There is no satisfying others if you are not satisfy.   Please be smart when choosing your mate!!!!  

Xoxo 

Andie